The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. But as you can see, still alive!!! 👍🏻 (has anyone seen the movie “the croods”? I was totally channeling the granny with that statement.)
I’ve been feeling like total shit. Mentally, completely out of it. Physically, I’m less than 100 lbs. I really need to gain weight. I’ve been so weak that it’s hard to walk. I am short of breath if I walk too much.
Derek has been more than a caregiver for me. He forces me to eat, keeps track of all my meds, and makes sure I’m not alone. Even if I’m asleep, I hate being alone. He loves me so much and I love him for that.
The somewhat good news is that my counts have slowly been getting a little better every day, and after getting some blood yesterday, I feel 1000% better. Still having labs drawn, fluids and magnesium twice weekly, and will have another round of the nivolimab drug on Monday. –which means that my counts will likely drop again, but you know….whatever it takes.
It’s definitely easier to fight cancer when you’re feeling semi ok. I’ve made my goals a lot smaller now–make it to my birthday–see Mack graduate pre k. I mean hey, there’s always a chance I’ll live longer than everyone I know with my bionic body! But alas, there is certainly more of a chance that I won’t. I’m afraid of derek losing the house when I’m gone–another, (other than your own funeral), weird thing to discuss when you’re 33. I’m afraid of what happens next.
My mind is going a million miles a minute every day. I feel overwhelmed all the time. But like I said before-still alive! So when you are sitting there, wondering how life could be so bad for you, please realize that it could always be worse. And as long as you are physically able to live, you always have a chance to turn things around. I would give anything for more time.
Mack-don’t forget-if you go to bed at night, and you aren’t proud of the person you were that day, you’ve done something wrong. Always be kind. Always be generous. Always be loyal. These are qualities of a good man.
Thank you to my employer for being amazing during this time. And thank you to everyone for all of your support. ❤️