Current update 

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. But as you can see, still alive!!! 👍🏻 (has anyone seen the movie “the croods”? I was totally channeling the granny with that statement.)

I’ve been feeling like total shit. Mentally, completely out of it. Physically, I’m less than 100 lbs. I really need to gain weight. I’ve been so weak that it’s hard to walk. I am short of breath if I walk too much. 

Derek has been more than a caregiver for me. He forces me to eat, keeps track of all my meds, and makes sure I’m not alone. Even if I’m asleep, I hate being alone. He loves me so much and I love him for that. 

The somewhat good news is that my counts have slowly been getting a little better every day, and after getting some blood yesterday, I feel 1000% better. Still having labs drawn, fluids and magnesium twice weekly, and will have another round of the nivolimab drug on Monday. –which means that my counts will likely drop again, but you know….whatever it takes. 

It’s definitely easier to fight cancer when you’re feeling semi ok. I’ve made my goals a lot smaller now–make it to my birthday–see Mack graduate pre k. I mean hey, there’s always a chance I’ll live longer than everyone I know with my bionic body! But alas, there is certainly more of a chance that I won’t. I’m afraid of derek losing the house when I’m gone–another, (other than your own funeral), weird thing to discuss when you’re 33. I’m afraid of what happens next. 

My mind is going a million miles a minute every day. I feel overwhelmed all the time. But like I said before-still alive! So when you are sitting there, wondering how life could be so bad for you, please realize that it could always be worse. And as long as you are physically able to live, you always have a chance to turn things around. I would give anything for more time.

Mack-don’t forget-if you go to bed at night, and you aren’t proud of the person you were that day, you’ve done something wrong. Always be kind. Always be generous. Always be loyal. These are qualities of a good man.

Thank you to my employer for being amazing during this time. And thank you to everyone for all of your support. ❤️

23 thoughts on “Current update 

  1. Sending my love and prayers. And you are so right everyone should be grateful for what they have. Quit bitching about the small things. Life is too precious to waste on nothings. Hang in there Mary. Keep up the good fight. xxx

  2. Mary ~ you are constantly on my mind. Your words hit home because I was just complaining about someone and I should feel grateful that I’m able to get from point A to point B. I have always said; that when someone fights such a long battle with the big “C” or a sickness, they should win that fight!!! I’ve never been much of a praying person, but you have been added to my trial with God. They say miracles do happen – I pray you are one of them!!! ❤ Sending hugs!!! ( ) ( )

  3. Mary, you are such an inspiration and so courageous. Please believe you will get your miracle. I have a lot of faith in you and God to win this war. My love and prayers go out to you. Enjoy a blessed new year.
    Love, Darlene Veri

  4. Prayers coming your way. I lived in Chardon and am surprised to hear of a fellow Geauga county mom on here. Sending healing hands.

  5. I’ve been following your journey and was so scared for you when I didn’t see an update for awhile. I know the news isn’t amazing, but ALIVE is amazing. Thinking of you, Derek & Mack even though I’ve never met any of you. Hugs, love, prayers, etc.

  6. Mary, I am so happy to see you are still fighting! I miss you and have thought often of you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep those goals!

  7. Mary, you don’t know me personally. I work with your dad and have been reading your posts. You are a strong brave woman and I’m praying for you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing in your difficult time and reminding others how lucky we are. Keep fighting and never give up. God bless!!!

  8. Hi Mary,
    I’ve only had the pleasure of meeting you twice. Once at Square Bistro(where you made us laugh non-stop all night) and once at Bare beauty. You are a pleasure to be around and have a tremendous fighting spirit. Never lose that! I am praying for you.

  9. Mary, I don’t know you, a friend forwarded your email. You must be one of the most courageous people. May “God Bless You” and Derek and help you get through this. You will be in my prayers and lets hope 2016 will be a good year for you.

  10. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling awful. I don’t know you personally but I want you to know that your blog is very important to me. I have TNBC. It was found on a PET scan looking for lymphoma of all things. There are some parallels in your story that I relate to. Your words have touched a deep emotional chord inside of me. I wish you well as you look to a new year and I hope you reach your goals. Much love.

  11. Mary, I am a friend of Tera and Megan and was diagnosed with Hodgkins in the spring of this year😬 I also have a small child. Thank you for your ideas on things that would help me through treatment! I’ve been following you since! Your strength is amazing and your humor is also truth!

  12. Mary, I was in Mr Smrdel’s class. (Amy Weinbrecht?) I have been reading your blog here & there for a while but I haven’t added you on facebook or anything because that is kind of silly and stalkery (lol) but I’m Amy Patterson now. (We have some mutual fb friends.) I’m out in Chardon. I know you’re really busy but if there’s ever anything I can help with, my two boys are 5 & 7 so I have lots of stuff I can help with or pass down. I also work from home if you need a babysitter and can’t find one on short notice. Probably should have said something a long time ago but I just read THIS POST and felt silly when I realized you’re telling me exactly what I needed to hear – if I can help, I should. Please don’t feel obligated to get in touch or anything – I know you’re really busy – just know I’m out here if you need me.

    • Amy I remember you 🙂 I was always jealous of how smart you and mike L were! I love stalkers. Please add. Thank you so much of thinking of me. It’s very sweet of you, and I promise to let you know if we need help with anything at all. Thank you ❤️

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