Long sigh.

Still having random fevers, which is cool. Or hot. Whatever. It’s annoying, but worse than that is the pain. I finally saw pain management after putting it off for years, trying to be a tough guy. But after weeks without sleep, I had no other choice. They put me on a long acting pain medicine which has actually seemed to help a bit. It’s a start.

But here’s the best part. This whole time, as I typically do, I’ve been weighing out the pros and cons of my situation. One thing that was always tipping the scale in my favor was that I wasn’t going to lose my hair. Well as it turns out, 10% of people will lose their hair on this drug, and lucky me, I’m part of that 10%. I woke up the other day with hair on my pillow and bald patches on my head. I haven’t shaved it yet, but I will probably have to soon. I keep clogging the drain in the bathtub because so much hair falls out when I shower. *long sigh*. It would be nice to not look like I have cancer for one year at least! Cancer, you asshole.

in other news, thanksgiving was great. Made lots of food. Spent time with the in-laws. We put up our Christmas decorations, and I didn’t even have a panic attack! That’s one step  in the right direction I suppose!

i have some treatment and blood work on Tuesday, then have my second dose of brentuximab vendotin on the 1st. Will keep you updated! Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers this week!

Passed right out watching dancing with the stars!

Passed right out watching dancing with the stars!

4 thoughts on “Long sigh.

  1. Hi Mary!! Happy “whatever”, but I’m happy to see your smiling face!! Someone should make a calendar of what you go through each month. Happy face – 🙂 Sad face – 😦 Could care less! face – :+{ . Pete and I think about you all the time, and since he’s such a knucklehead about Facebook, I will relay the message to you. His faith in God is so strong it kinda pisses me off because some things that happen to great people (you) or little kids (OMG) just – don’t – make – any – sense to me.
    F.Y.I., you are beautiful with or without hair!!! It’s your smile that makes all the difference.
    I don’t know how Pete and Sherry are able to look at their granddaughter Claire and not have a pain in their heart’s because she looks SOOO much like Kris. And Drazen, he’s a little spitfire; never stops moving. His idiot father has no idea what great kids he has and it’s not because he’s a great father!!
    It’s wonderful that your Thanksgiving was spent at home and how much you enjoyed it! The picture of your son is hysterical!!! Here’s to hoping your Christmas is also as good as turkey day.
    So, chin up! or chin down, you are such an inspiration. And I know you are probably tired of hearing it, but I’d be a gooey fat puddle on the floor, babbling, the infamous saying, “why me”? Plus I would be crying 24/7.
    I got baptized for the first time in my life on Friday. Everyone was aghast that I never was (?) But everyone kept saying I wouldn’t get into heaven if I didn’t; and I’m a person who has to feel and touch to make it a reality so I did it because I was told I wouldn’t get to see my Mom if I wasn’t baptized. So there you have it.
    In closing, keep being the wonderful person that you are. For what it’s worth, I’ll be saying some prayers for you.
    ((((((((((((( HUGS))))))))))))))) TO YOU!

  2. Well what can I even say….if half the people in the world had your faith, strength or stamina we would be able to solve all the problems in a day. You are my hero and many others as well.
    And by the way….you rock the bald look!
    Prayers and love

  3. Mary, you have posted so many well researched links to treatments and cures over the course of of this blog that have given many others hope. That legacy, and your unselfish, honest, sharing of your reactions to feeling so sick of being sick, have done great service to others. You are a hero to many.

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