Here in the hospital, celebrating Mother’s Day. Boo. I’ve been feeling ok overall–weak, tired, and headachy, but overall I have felt worse in the past, so I can’t complain. My white counts are finally starting to drop to 0 (as expected with the transplant), so basically I’m just waiting around for a neutrapenic fever, and to feel even more like shit. Yay!
Mack has swimming lessons this morning, then he and Derek are stopping by to visit this afternoon. Wish I could be there. Derek sends me videos of him at swim class, and he’s so cute. It’s hard to believe that he’ll be turning 5 this year. In some ways, mainly physically, it feels like I’ve been battling this disease for 10 years. But in others–like when I look at Mack, and how the majority of his life has been me sick–well it’s so sad, and it feels like only yesterday that I held him in my arms for the very first time. But…I digress. I have pretty much all my eggs in this transplant basket, so I’m banking on tons more years with my little one.
Life in the hospital is pretty boring. My work computer doesn’t work from here, but honestly, my head is so clouded most days from drugs, that’s likely for the best. I try to read–(Currently I’m reading “hope” by Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus….Holy Geez is it disturbing)–but I’m pretty shakey which makes me dizzy when I read for too long. So you know, I watch TV…walk around the hospital…stare longingly out the window at the sunshine…(I’m not allowed outside). It’s like prison, but I get coffee service. Sometimes I sit on the couch. Sometimes the bed. Sometimes I lean against the window and people watch. Pretty much everyone has cancer though, so It’s lame.
My nurses, as per usual are awesome. Love the staff here. They always visit with me when I don’t have visitors. One of my nurses even brought me soft core porn to watch. (jk. It’s 50 shades of grey. well I guess same thing). At least the Cavs are in the playoffs so that’s fun to watch, and I still have my Monday Night Crew (my fake cousins), to hang with on Monday nights. I had a super generous life goal the other day of running a mile on the treadmill, but instead, I painted my nails blue. Seemed like the right choice. I better head out.
Time to do my 2100th lap around 3rd floor Seidman. But before I go, I just wanted to say, that I think being a mother simply means loving someone else more than you love yourself. You don’t necessarily have to be a parent to be a mother. And as such, Happy Mother’s Day to my wonderful and supportive friends and family members. Who love me, more than they love themselves.