Well here goes nothing ya’ll. By May 6th, I’ll have a young, healthy German male inside of me!! (note: my hubby does not think this joke I’ve been telling for weeks now is funny, but clearly he does not share my sense of humor. loser.) This will be my second stab at stem cell transplantation. Many of you readers have asked if I could blog about the differences in “feels” from my auto (my own) stem cell transplant, vs. a donor (allo) transplant. I shall do just that. Albeit, it may be hard to do, considering the plethora of activities available to me whilst in the hospital. (note: sarcasm).
How am I feeling?? Physically-great! I’ve been working out daily, and my pancreatitis is officially gone. (apparently you really can’t drink when you have that. who knew? And also, how dumb). Mentally on the other hand? A nervous wreck. Anxious as all get-out. You see I’ve already gone through this flood of emotions a year ago. Thinking my life had been saved. Feeling the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life—then a few months later feeling the best I’ve ever felt, and running a half marathon to boot, only to find out that I relapsed-had transformation to probably the most aggressive form of NHL there is, with a prognosis of FML. *Sigh*. At least at this point, I’ve set my expectations of possible cure extremely low, so that way, anything better than death is a total step up! I am very grateful to my donor however, and hope for the chance to meet him one day, even if this whole thing doesn’t work out as planned. We aren’t having another baby, and there is no way in hell we are getting a 3rd dog, but perhaps I’ll name a goldfish after him one day.
Mack and Derek are prepping for my stay as well. At least the weather will be nicer, and Mack will be able to play outside, which will lesson the stir-craziness that is winter. Mack has been asking a lot of questions….why am I still sick? Why do I have to go to the hospital? But for the most part, he seems to understand my disease a lot better than he has in the past. He tells people that my blood is sick, and that I have no hair because my medicine makes it fall out. He also knows that going to the hospital will “make me better” (sure hope so, buddy), and that he can visit me and “bring me dandelions from the poopy fan”–(we have a bunch of them growing around our septic tank in the front yard)–and “bring me lots of cut out hearts”. ❤
I have been super busy over the past few weeks, trying to visit with friends and family memebers, before my stay. The recovery, from what I understand, will be longer than it was from the auto transplant, so just trying to get some fun in while I can! Last week, my friend Kelly graciously treated me to a spa day at her salon, then buzzed all my hair off. I have a little bit of stubble, but it’s so much easier of a transition to total baldness when there is not much there. Although my hair was the longest it had been in nearly 3 years, I honestly could care less anymore. I mean it’s just hair. It will grow back. And by the grace of God, it will do so without any grays. I also had an awesome “adult sleepover” with my girlfriends, which was amazing. My good friend Lisa from North Carolina even flew in to surprise me. I was so incredibly touched, and had a great night, even without alcohol. We ate a lot of junk, watched the Bruce Jenner interview, and played quite a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity. Somehow I ended up with like every card referencing Lord of The Rings (which is a book/movie series that only I had seen). How irritating. I was really hoping for something raunchier. I also had the pleasure of finally meeting my new fake nephew from my fake family, Ozzie. He’s totes super cute. He’s got cheeks for days. I want to eat them num num.
And now a few shout outs. First, to Aurora High School. Unbeknown to me, a large group of students from Mr. Rubin and Ms. Pavicic’s classes began reading my blog, and decided to raise money for our family. They held a few bake sales, and apparently really got into trying to raise as much money as they could. I cried when I found out what all of you did. You are amazing kids. I would really love to meet all of you, and thank you in person post transplant!!! 🙂
Second, to all of the staff and parents from Chesterland Community Preschool, who have signed up to bring meals to my family in my absence, and who have provided such incredible support to all of us. I don’t think you realize just how amazing you all are. ❤
So here we go again. I’m scared, but I’m ready. I will be sure to keep you all updated. (especially since there’s not much else to do)!
Never forget that just because you’re alive, doesn’t mean you’re living. Live a life that you’re proud of. No matter what you’ve done or gone through in the past, you always have a chance to turn it all around, and find the good in each and every day. You just have to tell yourself what I tell myself every day: Pick yourself up, and get your shit together. You are NOT going to die today. Things could ALWAYS be worse.
To healthy stem cells. Cheers.