Had chemo Friday; wasn’t as bad as last time. No random puking, but have to take all those stupid ass steroids which make me extra shaky and puffy and I hate every second of it. (TMI alert!) I’m also super constipated from all the anti nausea meds I’m supposed to take, but its such a double edge sword–damned if you do, damned if you don’t! I had some platelets and a blood transfusion earlier last week, that felt awesome. That’s so weird to say, but unless you have severe anemia, you don’t truly understand “fatigue” like that! But overall, I really can’t complain. I’ve been working as much as possible, keeping up around the house, and finally my cold/cough seems to be getting a little better every day.
So this post will be littered with good news, for once! I’m super proud of my hubby who got a new job–one that he really wanted. He’s such a good hard working man, and he really deserves it. What does this mean for child care/Houston/etc.etc?? Who cares. Day by day. That is what we’ve learned to do. We can’t plan ahead, and that’s just ok. Yesterday I felt good. Derek and Mack had good days too. That’s all that really matters.
I’m trying to get into a few clinical trials with the help of my oncologist. Here is the one that seems most applicable so far, however I’m still waiting on the final pathology of my old spleen/liver biopsies. Here is a link to the trial
If I make it in, we will have to make a pretty big decision I think. I can’t proceed with transplant without actually being in total REMISSION. That being said, I could proceed with the trial without total remmission. So we will have to weigh out our options at that point–which is most beneficial for our family–for me. There has been pretty good success with it, according to the stories online, so I’m hopeful. At this point, we would just be happy to have OPTIONS at all. And like I said earlier–hopefully the good news that we received yesterday is a good sign of things to come! I don’t care about money. I don’t care about the million things we need to do around the house. I don’t care about anything, really….except living.
This is not to say I have certainly not had my days where I’ve felt like throwing in the towel, because that’s entirely true. I’ve even started the agonizing process of planning my funeral arrangements (to be set aside for someone else to open much much later in life, hopefully), but have yet to bring myself to write letters to my family. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to be prepared. Just in case something happens (which it totally won’t), I want to be sure my family and friends know exactly what my thoughts are/were. I want Mack to have a letter from me for his graduation day/wedding day/etc. you know. All the mushy stuff. Just something that I have to do.
And on those happy notes–chemo Friday again, and Nuelasta Saturday, which means I can stop hibernating! Special thank you again to all of my friends and family who have generously shared our give forward website, brought us dinners, visits, play dates, etc. It makes us feel just like a normal family again. Also thank you to our amazing preschool–teachers, parents and kids alike, who have been so good to us, and to my awesome Employer and coworkers. Not sure where we would be without any of you listed above.
Please keep Clare, Rosie and Marty in your prayers.
Below is a pic of Mack getting really excited about the piece of cake I brought home to celebrate daddy’s new job. If there is one thing I know. My kid. Loves. Sugar.