Day #1 Seidman

After a bunch of pokes and a few blown veins, I finally got my port today. Other than my lingering cold, and some pain in my liver from time to time, I’ve been feeling good. However, chemo starts tonight, so I could be jumping the gun with that comment.

It has been like a giant sigh of relief being back here on Seidman 3 with all my regular nurses, staff etc. everyone is amazingly supportive to my family and I, and I couldn’t ask for better quality care. (Official plug for third floor to receive a shout out from work!)

Also our family and friends have really pulled together to help us out. This has been such an overwhelming experience, so we thank you so much.

I am trying to remain as positive as possible. If there is even the slightest of chance to beat this shit, I will fight as hard as I can. But here is what I hate: when people hear my new transformed diagnosis, and all they can tell me is how sorry they are. I mean I get that I have the most aggressive form of NHL at this point, and the prognosis sucks, but to me, even if there’s a 1% chance, that means that SOMEONE beat the odds. So I will too!

I met a doc today who lost his dad to NHL at my age, and he was 4. He said it’s unfortunate, but he worked so much until the end, that he no longer remembers him without looking at a picture. My biggest fear. Unfortunately now for me, getting out of the house or traveling for more than just short periods of time is going to be impossible until my counts come up after chemo. No more neulasta shots for this gal. So I am going to live my good days well-making as many memories as I can with my beautiful family.

In other news, I had a newer nurse yesterday whom I’ve only had one other time before, and it turns out that her cousin is Jason mesnick from The bachelor!!! I was floored seeing personal pics and hearing all the stories. Sad but true, reality TV helps numb my brain and I love it πŸ‘

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (obviously), and I have realized this–something that I recently told an old friend of mine. Not many people experience true, unconditional love in their lifetime. I have been more than lucky to feel what it’s like. Derek and mack, the rest of my family and friends….they continue to be my reason to keep fighting. But, on the off-chance these treatments don’t work, I have finally come to the realization that they are also the reason why it will be ok to let go.

Be Not Afraid.

9 thoughts on “Day #1 Seidman

  1. Mary, I loved your post today. There are days when I miss my husband so much I literally scream. I simply don’t know what to do with my grief at his loss.
    Then I think of how much he loved me and how lucky I was to have had true love from someone other than my parents πŸ˜‰. How damn lucky was I? All those years with my sweetie and I dare complain? You are so right. Stay optimistic as possible – hey, someone creates that percent and be grateful to be so loved and to have so much love to give. Xo Rochelle

  2. You are my hero. Keep fighting you are definitely a strong woman and I know you will not give up. I’m glad you are in the hospital that makes you more comfortable, I know that has to help. Sending you love and prayers. I hope to meet you one day as I feel I already know you.

  3. Mary,
    We have never met, but I went to high school with your cousin Mike and I want you to know that you are reaching lives that you probably can’t imagine. You are the strongest person I’ve ever read about and I share your content regularly.

    You are giving your son the gift of warriorism – yes it’s a word because you do it – that will literally transform this world. What an incredible gift. You’re an amazing person, wife, and mother. My prayers are always with you.

  4. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

  5. I think of u often and I still am praying… Stay positive and kick cancers ass…. Derik and Mack are very lucky to have u… Such a loving and positive woman that they love with all their hearts….xoxo

  6. Hello…you don’t know me but I started following your blog after Jen flaherty posted on your story. I pray for you daily and my daughter goes to the university of Notre dame and she lit a candle in the grotto for you last night. Even people who don’t know you personally are pulling for you. God bless.

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