After a bunch of pokes and a few blown veins, I finally got my port today. Other than my lingering cold, and some pain in my liver from time to time, I’ve been feeling good. However, chemo starts tonight, so I could be jumping the gun with that comment.
It has been like a giant sigh of relief being back here on Seidman 3 with all my regular nurses, staff etc. everyone is amazingly supportive to my family and I, and I couldn’t ask for better quality care. (Official plug for third floor to receive a shout out from work!)
Also our family and friends have really pulled together to help us out. This has been such an overwhelming experience, so we thank you so much.
I am trying to remain as positive as possible. If there is even the slightest of chance to beat this shit, I will fight as hard as I can. But here is what I hate: when people hear my new transformed diagnosis, and all they can tell me is how sorry they are. I mean I get that I have the most aggressive form of NHL at this point, and the prognosis sucks, but to me, even if there’s a 1% chance, that means that SOMEONE beat the odds. So I will too!
I met a doc today who lost his dad to NHL at my age, and he was 4. He said it’s unfortunate, but he worked so much until the end, that he no longer remembers him without looking at a picture. My biggest fear. Unfortunately now for me, getting out of the house or traveling for more than just short periods of time is going to be impossible until my counts come up after chemo. No more neulasta shots for this gal. So I am going to live my good days well-making as many memories as I can with my beautiful family.
In other news, I had a newer nurse yesterday whom I’ve only had one other time before, and it turns out that her cousin is Jason mesnick from The bachelor!!! I was floored seeing personal pics and hearing all the stories. Sad but true, reality TV helps numb my brain and I love it 👍
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (obviously), and I have realized this–something that I recently told an old friend of mine. Not many people experience true, unconditional love in their lifetime. I have been more than lucky to feel what it’s like. Derek and mack, the rest of my family and friends….they continue to be my reason to keep fighting. But, on the off-chance these treatments don’t work, I have finally come to the realization that they are also the reason why it will be ok to let go.
Be Not Afraid.