I was never great at stats anyway.

I was discharged from the hospital on 12/27/14. It is still unclear as to wether or not my fevers were simply “tumor fever” from the cancer, or whether they were due to the Neulasta shot that I had a week prior. Either way, I’m feeling better, and woke up the day before New Year’s Eve, finally feeling like a normal human being, which is always nice.

This chemo left me feeling really tired with no appetite, and I had quite a lot of bone pain due to the Neulasta shot. Thankfully that’s all cleared up. For those who have asked, I’m currently on a drip of rituximab, bendamustine, and methotrexate (which is the one injected into my spine). I met my new oncologist a few days ago; Dr. Caimi. He’s really nice. Very smart. Although I don’t foresee him giving me his personal cell phone number like Dr. C did, any time soon. He is young, and has a clinical researcher who comes with him as a package deal. They found a few phase I clinical trials at OSU (thankfully not a plane ride away), that I may be eligible for. Waiting to hear back. Derek really liked him too, which is a plus, but I’m still really sad that Dr. C is leaving me in my time of need! Boo you whore! (jk. heart you. but you’re so selfish. GAWD.) Here are some good things Dr. Caimi said: I’m in really good health (other than the cancer). Typically people don’t tolerate the chemo/dosage I’m having very well, but I have been doing OK (other than the stupid lumbar spine headaches and dumb spinal fluid leaking into my brain…). Then there is the bad/expected things he said: I have a life expectency of 2-5 years without the allo transplant, and sticking with current chemo/treatment options available. 10 years (at best) with transplant, if successful. A 1 in 10 chance, the transplant won’t work.

But here’s what I heard regarding those stats: BLAH BLAH BLAH……SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THERE’S A CHANCE!! (Dumb and Dumber reference here). I mean I was never great at stats anyway. Seriously I tried taking it like 3 times in college, and had to withdraw. I mean I am decent at math, but stats, no way. Know why? Cause there’s always a variable that can change everything. So I don’t care about your dumb stats.

Trying to maintain that attitude. Obviously on my good days, it’s a lot easier to do than on my bad ones. But my new goal….see Mack graduate high school. So that means I need at least 14 years. I figure I’ll start off small, then go for a new goal of like 207 years. You know. Just trying to remain realistic.

Last Sunday, my dad and I took a trip to the Rhoda Wise house in Canton, OH. If you’ve never heard of it, here is the link. http://rhodawise.com/

It’s pretty interesting. Lots of miracles are said to have been performed in the house, and from use of the holy water. I figured it was worth a shot. I’m not sure what I was expecting when I went there. It all seemed a bit creepy as we were walking in, but I felt so peaceful there. It was strange. Like a tingling. After learning about this woman’s story, I just can’t help but think that I don’t really deserve a miracle. This woman was miraculously healed (so they say) because she had true blind faith. I however, WISH I had that, but unfortunately I don’t. Not for lack of trying though–we’ve started going back to church, and I pray to St. Theresa, and St. Peregrine daily. I use the holy water that we received from the Rhoda Wise house. I mean at this point, if I’m not healed by a divine miracle, than the one thing I can hope for is that I find a sense of peace, and that I’m no longer afraid. That’s plan A. But plan B is western medicine, kicking ass, and taking names.

Derek and I had a nice New Years. We went to my friend Kim’s house. I was “granted” one glass of wine from my doc. Unfortunately however, it tasted like total shit because my tastes are all weird now (probably from the chemo). It tasted like when you attempt to swallow a pill, but it gets stuck, and sits in your mouth a second to long, and you kind of want to gag. That’s also how water tastes, so I have to add lemon, or lime or anything really to mask the taste. Anyways, it was so nice to spend a “normal” night with friends. We had a great time. Not sure when the next time is that I will be able to do that.

I started back to work today. Hoping to work all next week as well. I have chemo again from the 12th-15th, and I’m not sure how that will be, considering how horrible the headaches were after the spinal chemo. Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen again, or I’m going to lose my shit. After that, Derek and I go down to Houston from 2/2 through 2/5 for my PET scan, to see if this chemo worked, and if I qualify for the transplant. I’m really really hoping that I do, because although it’s high risk, there are potential high rewards of a longer life span.

Mack is pretty oblivious to what’s happening. He knows that I’m sick, but doesn’t seem to understand with what exactly, since I still have my hair. He asked me the other day, “why can’t you just put a band aid on?” SIGH. I hate you cancer.

The only positive thing about being in the hospital was that Derek did all my laundry, and I didn’t have to put together the 2 million toys with small parts and batteries post Xmas. Additionally, for those of you who have been to our home, you know how much our dogs farts smell. That was nice to get away from too.

Our family on Xmas. Derek and I had ugly Xmas sweaters on. Derek's is especially ugly because it's Steelers!

Our family on Xmas. Derek and I had ugly Xmas sweaters on. Derek’s is especially ugly because it’s Steelers!

Jackii, Kim and I on NYE

Jackii, Kim and I on NYE


4 thoughts on “I was never great at stats anyway.

  1. I was so glad to read your blog today. I check every day. Your news is such a mixture but there is still hope. And as long as there is hope……. You are a very brave person Mary, you put me to shame. I continue to pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. You are strong and you have determination to beat this so keep the faith.

  2. Mary, you are the strongest spirit I have never met ( my lame attempt at humor). Cancer IS stupid! So arbitrary and insidious. If snyone can kick cancers ass it would be you. Always in my thoughts, Fred.

  3. You. Are. Awesome. And FYI- I work with a cancer survivor whose doctor told him he had about 8 weeks to live. That was 3 years ago. And he’s now cancer-free. See? Proof that stats are just dumb.

  4. Cancer is stupid and stats are dumb! Keep your positive attitude and your chin up and those of us that stumbled upon your blog will continue to say a prayer and send strength and positive thoughts your way.

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