Dear Mack- four years old. You are growing up so fast. Too fast for my body to catch up to you. You are smart, talented, sweet, playful, and funny. I remember every second of my long labor. I remember how scared I was when they took you away to the NICU, and it was almost two days before I was able to hold you for the first time. I was so in love with you. You held my fingers. I didn’t realize at the time what a miracle you would turn out to be.

Even though your birthday isn’t until Monday, we celebrated today. As you blew out your candles, I realized that you didn’t know what a wish was. So I made one for you. My wish is simple. My wish is that you won’t have to grow up without a mommy.

But just in case, my darling boy, I write this to you now (because the Internet is forever and eventually, somehow, you will read this): I hope that if my wish doesn’t come true, that you’re able to remember me. That you are able to find things within yourself that remind you of me. That you grow up to be a good man, just like your daddy. And that no matter what the situation may be, you never, ever give up.

I love you, my beautiful baby boy. Happy birthday.

Love, mommy

Ps: you get your good looks from me 🙂

4 thoughts on “4!!!

  1. Oh, Mary…Your son will not have to grow up without a mommy, because his mom is going to kick this cancer, beat it down once and for all and be done with it :). I am confident that you will do it. You have an awesome medical team in Texas who do this every day. Your attitude speaks volumes about who you are and what you CAN do. And you will do it!!! Attitude is EVERYTHING in this game. Please stay strong mentally. That will help during those days when it is physically challenging. I know you hear this constantly, but the prayers continue to come…and the Kavran clan is praying strong and hard (like Buell strong). Love, J, D, and Grace

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