First and foremost, I really have a lot of people to thank. Brittany Gidley, of Brittany Gidley Photography graciously donated her time and talents to take the most beautiful pictures of our family. We have never had actual family photos taken, and I feel so lucky to have these now more than ever. (Especially the one of Derek and I kissing, so that I can make a fat-head out of it, and plaster it to the ceiling, just in case I kick the bucket earlier than expected, and some other chick tries to swoop in.) jk. 🙂 The pics came out WONDERFUL as shown below, and she also took the time to make this lovely video, which brought me to tears:
Additionally, I wanted to thank all of my coworkers who have sent cards and well wishes, and who have generously donated leave so that I may continue to receive a paycheck while I’m away for treatment. Seriously, I am so lucky to work with such amazing people. And to the Boryszak Family…well we really don’t know how to thank you for gifting us a family vacation to Disney World. Mack will be 4 in a few weeks, and I know he’ll be old enough to remember this trip. Those memories alone are worth more than I can even say. (But, just FYI, when I end up totally kicking cancer’s ass again, and living until I’m 150 years old, I will book a fab vacay for your family as well. That’s a promise!)
Thank you also to all of the generous people who have donated on our give forward website. I can’t tell you how much this helps us, and will continue to help us in the future (whatever that may entail). And to our preschool family who have been very supportive, even after only knowing our family for a short time.
A lot of people have been asking me how I’m feeling. Physically, a little tired, and some minor pain in my back (there is a tumor in my lumbar spine, but the pain could be from anything, really). Otherwise, I feel totally fine. Fucking cancer. Sneaky bitch. Now mentally on the other hand, if I’m being honest, I’m only doing semi-ok because I’m taking Zoloft and Ativan. lol. If it weren’t for those happy little pills, I’d be a wreck. I’m trying to remain positive–I even got this book called “Miracle Survivors: Beating the Odds of Incurable Cancer”–In hopes that I can just find that ONE story of someone in a similar position as me, and who survived.
It’s such a double-edged sword, really. I’m completely torn between trying to live a normal life, and to enjoy each and every day, and trying to get things in order like my health/life insurance, finances, funeral expenses etc etc….Who the fuck wants to think about that?!! Ultimately this is what I’ve decided: I have been diagnosed with one of THE MOST CUREABLE forms of cancer (When found in stages one and two..and sometimes 3). So if that’s the case, there HAS to be something to treat my cancer. There just has to be. And you know why? Because my whole life, I’ve always thought that when you’re going to die, you FEEL like you’re going to die. Like a sixth sense or something. But I simply don’t feel that way at all. And so I’ve decided, as above–the only dying I’m going to be doing, is my hair when it gets longer! And all the other bullshit of life insurance etc etc….well if and when the time comes that I need to worry about that, then I’ll just have someone else figure it out for me 🙂
Anyway, part of my trying to live normally included a trip to IKEA this week with my cousins to help them pick out furniture for their new apartment, and attending Rally For Rosie!–A benefit for my BFF’s daughter. They had so many people there, and had to have raised quite a bit of money, which makes me so happy! Little Rosie is an inspiration, and a little kick-ass fighter. She’s also pretty damn cute. Thanks to those blog readers who have offered up prayers for Rosie and her family. Keep it up! They seem to be working!
Here are some cons of having relapsed stage IV cancer:
1. Having relapsed stage IV cancer
2. Zoloft makes me sweat and have crazy ass dreams.
Here are some pros of having relapsed stage IV cancer:
1. I got a free haircut the other day (thanks Nick!)
2. People are a lot nicer to me now!
3. Everyone in Infusion and at the hospital already know me, which makes going in for treatment easier.
4. I have started to slow down, and appreciate things even more than I already have.
As you can see, things could always be worse. We are luckier than most.