I’m still here!!!


Well August has been a pretty crazy month! Total blog hiatus!

The same day as my last post, derek came home with a puppy. 🙂 we named her Sadie. She is a rescue (pit bull mix), and was only 7 weeks when we got her. Holy shit. A puppy and a toddler. Now you see what I’ve been up to this past month! She was a lot sweeter before all of her teeth came in, but she’s still cute 🙂

Other than that, I’ve been working a ton, and mentally preparing for Mack to start preschool this Thursday! :/ we met his teacher and the parents of the kids in his class. I think he is really going to love it. I am the one who has to try not to cry on the first day, not him! We got him a new bookbag with his name on it, and likes to wear it around the house, which is pretty cute. He also asks a lot of questions about school, which makes me happy that he is so interested.

We’ve been spending a lot of time together as a family, before school starts and before my next scan (just in case), which has for the most part been fun. But I will say this: when you have young kids, good luck going ANYWHERE as a family, and having an adult conversation. We went to the geauga county fair this weekend, and I’m pretty sure Derek and I were only able to get about 2 words in to eachother, without our 3 year old interrupting us every 1.4 seconds to ask if he could play another game, or what that smell was.

Last week I was finally able to design my jewelry with a Heather Moore consultant, and the wonderful people at Hedges in Chagrin Falls. (Thank you again for all who voted for me)!! It was such a fun experience–I’ve never designed jewelry before, and I can’t wait to see the finished product. My favorite charm will be the one with Mack’s signature, and Derek’s hand written “I love you” on it. And thank you hedges for the beautiful key charm. It was such a touching surprise!!

Health-wise I’ve been feeling pretty good! Up to 11.2 miles in under 2 hours, which I’m pretty happy with, but have only been able to make those long runs about once a week due to some back pain. But oh well! I just keep thinking that 6 months ago, I couldn’t even get out of bed, and now here I am running whenever I can. I’ll take it! My scan is on 9-17. They are zoning in on just my spine area to hopefully determine for sure whether there is still cancer in my marrow. Yesterday I started putting up the fall decorations, and I would definitely be lying if I said that it didn’t scare the bejesus out of me. Because I mean next comes christmas decs, which means next comes cancer. :/ meh. I just can’t get excited about Christmas until I have one that’s cancer free. Until then, it’s just going to bring back shitty memories.

My hair is growing back pretty quickly, and pretty curly! I have no idea how to style it at this point, because it’s getting so fluffy. I sort of look like an ewok. Any style tips for ewoks?

Recently, someone asked me what my experience of going through chemo is like, and when I started talking about it, I came to the stark realization that going through treatment is pretty equivalent to drunk college nights. Start out feeling great, but then…Nausea? Sure. Vomit? Nearly every time. Headache/dizziness? Yup. Pee/shit your pants? Sometimes. =21st birthday. Same-sies.

I’ve been thinking about Kris a lot lately. In August, or angel baby who saved my life, would have been turning one. I can’t help but think she’s taking care of him/her wherever she is, until we can be together again. I wish I could say that in the time since she passed, I was able to figure out my life/faith/beliefs, but that’s not the case. I still don’t believe in a Devine plan, that EVERYTHING that happens to someone was on purpose. It’s like when there is a tornado, and it destroys one house, and leaves the one next to it in tact. Do we say that happened for a reason? No, we call it an unexplainable weather anomaly. So I still don’t know about all that. But what I do know is that I’m just going to continue to live a life that I’m proud of. One that my family would be proud of. One without regrets.

Extra prayers to some close friends of mine going through some big struggles, as well as prayers for my bestie Sam, who will be a living liver donor to her baby daughter, Rosie. Love you all ❤

Ps. The made for TV movie about Saved By The Bell is on tonight. Day made.

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3 thoughts on “I’m still here!!!

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