Today marks the first day in 21 days that I woke up hungry. Not that anyone really cares, but last night for dinner I had steamed veggies, tofu and brown rice, and this morning, I had an egg white omelet with Swiss cheese and mushrooms. (I have to try to get some decent nutrition in there, but don’t want to eat meat). Anyway, I was pretty happy with myself because one of my doctors told me that once I start to feel “normal” things again…like hunger…that means my cells are totes growing back! Hopefully that is true. It’s Saturday. Two more days until I can potentially go home. (Not that I’m counting or completely looking forward to that or anything).
“Going home” won’t exactly be normal either. I’ll still be very tired while my cells are growing back, and weak. Additionally, due to my massive amounts of chemo over nearly the past 2 years, as well as my lack of spleen and stem cell transplant, I am extremely deficient in potassium and magnesium. I will have to go to Seidman 2-3 days a week for about a month, to infusion to receive these vitamins via IV. It’s a pain in the ass, but shit…I’M ALIVE!..So I’ll pretty much do anything.
I can’t sleep here, even with heavy drugs. I miss Mack’s feet slammed into my side and pushing me off the bed; I miss Derek’s insanely loud snoring and restless leg syndrome. I even miss waking up in a puddle of pee. (not mine, mind you). Dare I say, I even miss the dogs, and all of their mess and hair to clean up? Today I woke up at 3:30am, cleaned my room, made my bed, then sat around with nothing to do. I hate feeling unproductive, so I hopped on Pinterest, and pinned a bunch of cool mom/wife ideas (which I will subsequently forget about and never try). At least I did something. Then I did what I do best. Online shopping. Except I don’t actually online shop. I spend hours building up a shopping cart, only in the end to look at the price, decide I need nothing, and delete it all. For some reason though, it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, so that’s pretty cool. (KOB I know you share this feeling with me i.e. Target shopping and putting it all back…sometimes.)
I’ve completely been slacking on my sharing of the free porn across the street. It’s been mainly uneventful, except this morning–I had my shades open even though its pretty gloomy out today. I just happened to look back over my shoulder at the hotel at the exact moment that a woman around my age maybe, decided to open the blinds in her room, in full monty nothingness. well….let me be fair…..she could have been wearing completely nude bra and underoos, but she looked pretty nakey to me. Anyways, I think she realized a bit too late that she could see me, and I could clearly see her, because she almost fell trying to close the shades again, after making direct eye contact with me. Awkward! Yet, I applaud your confidence ma’am.
Goals for today are to walk more, be able to sleep at some point, try to eat 3 balanced meals, and make at least 4 completely inappropriate jokes to my bone marrow team when they come around. I can’t say for certain, but I’m guessing they’ve missed my sense of humor, and have been bored on their rounds as of late. Not sure if I’ll be able to do the meal part, but I had breakfast, so I will at least have dinner. I still have this nasty ass taste in my mouth all the time. Bitter rusty metal. I don’t know how else to describe it, except that without salt/pepper/hot sauce/anything, everything tastes like it. Hopefully when I get better, wine will still taste ok! that would suck. mmm. wine. I miss you, old friend.
Just a quick shout out too–I’m super grateful to my cool docs, JW in particular who brought in his guitar and had a total jam session in my room for over an hour. And to my kick ass nurses, especially Theresa and Rebecca, and Dar my Star. They bring my Starbucks, play games with me, share some good gossip, and overall, don’t make things so lonely around here. Love you hoes. And JW. you aren’t a hoe. You’re like fucking Patch Adams. PS Front desk Katie….you dropped your Valtrex on the floor. Better pick it up before you have to tell someone about your herpes.
And I’m out.
..just for the day, not like for life. Just to clarify.