Day #4

This post won’t Be very long today, as I’m not really feeling up to typing too much. Today is the last day of my chemo blast…just one 3 hr drip starting at 6 pm. Couldn’t come at a better time, as yesterday was awful. It started out ok, but I think everything just caught up to me at once. I was very nauseous all day, very weak and tired, and at one point when I got out of bed too quickly because I thought I was going to throw up, I passed out. Then I passed out again soon after. Turned out that I just had really low potassium, but it was scary nonetheless. And feeling like I have the flu all the time is really getting fucking old.

I have gotten so used to derek taking care of me when I’m not feeling well. Just having him nearby helps a ton. I miss him and Mack so much, and I’m only on day #5, so this is going to be rough. Apparently this chemo isn’t the worst of how I will feel. I will likely feel even worse over my next two days off, as I’m detoxing from all the drugs, and even worse once the transplant starts on Thursday. So you know….I have that to look forward to.

My trainer bob came to stretch me again yesterday, which I think helps. (Although it’s a little hard to tell because I’ve consistently felt crappy). We walked around the floor, and passed Kris’ old room. I’m just a few doors down from where she was when we last spoke. It’s sad to think about it, but I know she is here, which gives me a sense of peace through all of this. It reminds me that if she could fight as long and hard as she did, I can do it too.

Suck is up butter cup.

Derek I love you more than words could ever say.

3 thoughts on “Day #4

  1. My daughter’s bf got us a very cool wooden sign that says ‘Chin up, Butter cup’ . It hangs in our kitchen. I think of you often when I see it and am not feeling much like keeping my chin up. Cancer truly sucks. Your amazing attitude helps us so much. Gotta tell you that despite it all you look beautiful.

  2. What you are going thru sucks – which of course you know. But you are a runner – so think of this as the first sucky mile of a long run. You know how that first mile or two totally blows – you can’t find your stride and your breathing is all whacked. But it will get better. You’re going to find your rhythm and get your pace evened out. I know they keep telling you it will get worse and maybe it will. Every marathon has it’s “wall”. But you are equipped to make it thru, even when it may seem like you can’t. This is a marathon yes. But hang on the the hope and knowledge that there is a finish line. Still got your “prayer” back over here in Wisco. Hope you get a hot naked guy in the window tomorrow. And yes I did just add that to my prayers for you. 🙂

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