We only have one bathroom, which sucks. It especially sucks with two boys in your house. It is forever smelling like pee and sweaty balls. So needless to say that when I decided to take a bath yesterday after over-doing it trying to put the Christmas decorations away, I had to re-scrub out the bath tub first, just to be on the safe side. Baths always make me feel better/more relaxed, except that our bath tub is too small for baths, but I force it anyway. Have you ever tried to take a bath in a bath tub too small? You have a choice. Stomach or knees. Put your knees in? Stomach/boobs exposed. Put your stomach in? Knees stick out. There’s no good solution, but I stayed in there until I pruned anyway. For the first time, I got a real good look at my scarred body. I’m like a patchwork quilt. I’m not even really sure why I’m blogging about this now, except that I think for the first time since I got sick again, everything happening has finally started to sink in. I even thought for a milli second about taking a picture of all of my scars to show people what cancer can look like, but luckily I realized I was just soaking in the hot water for too long, and clearly delirious. You’re welcome, cyber space.
I’ve been feeling better (thankfully) since my chemo, only I tire very easily, and get headaches often. I also can’t sleep, and have super fucked up dreams whenever Ido fall asleep. Either way, I’m going to work from home again starting Monday, and will do so until I’m re admitted on the 9th. I am going to try to work as much as I can, when I can, since I won’t be able to work at all during my transplant process. I feel guilty for not having worked up until now for some reason, but I’m extremely grateful to my employer for being so supportive with my health issues over the past year.
Side note: I’m typing this blog with Mickey Mouse clubhouse on in the background. Some of you readers may understand how effing annoying that is.
I’d really like to try to walk on the treadmill or go on the elliptical or something, when I’m not so tired. If there is one thing I’ve learned from my last chemo, it’s how important it is to try to stay in shape while undergoing treatment. It makes a world of difference. At this point however, I’d be lucky if I could even drive my own car a minute down the road, let alone walk for 5 minutes. But you have to start somewhere right?!
Tonight my “fake family” is coming over for our somewhat delayed annual get together. Derek and I are excited for the distraction from our current state of affairs. I might even get crazy and have a few sips of sangria! Or maybe not. But I’ll at least think about it. I’m still losing weight, but at least have stayed about the same for about a day and so half which is a pretty good accomplishment. Normally I’d be excited about losing weight, but trust me when I say how scary it is when you just keep losing it without trying. I am eating now, but it’s just the nature of the cancer. I never trust anyone who’s thighs don’t touch, so I’m not really even trusting myself these days. I look gross. Oh well. I’ll totes be well on my way to hot post transplant 🙂
I haven’t heard much about my friend kris as of late, but please continue to keep her and her family in your prayers.
Bubble up! And on a positive, non cancer related note, welcome to the world baby Miles! You are so loved by so many. Congrats Brooke. You’re a great mom already 🙂