(Credit to Katie OB for the title.)
Ya you read that correctly!!!!! I prayed for it for sure, but was afraid to get my hopes up. When she came in to read my results (which were still somewhat inconclusive), with a huge smile on her face, and gave me a giant hug, I almost didn’t want to believe her!! Dr. C calls it “unconfirmed remission” because I still have some abnormalities present, but I’ll take remission any way you can slice it!!! And guess what else??! Labs (although my white counts are still down), were great! I asked her about the 95% relapse rate within 2 years, as was previously mentioned in April when we spoke about it, and that statistic is null and void!!!!! She couldn’t give me a statistic, which I guess is just fine!!!
I’ve come a long way, baby. I waited around after my appointment in radiology to get my PET results on CD rom. It’s pretty incredible. Some of the nurses I’ve seen over the past year–and doctors too–have told me that they’ve rarely seen a comeback like this….That they were nearly just as shocked at my turn around as I was!!…Sure as HELL am glad they didn’t tell me that at the time though because I probably would have gone into a comatose-type anxiety-ridden state!!
The results of my scan showed an increased creatinine level (kidney problems), increased liver enzymes, low white blood cells, enlarged spleen, and some permanent digestive issues (not to get all TMI, but I can’t poop :(. I have to take laxatives and drink/eat flax and tons of fiber likely for the rest of my life)….but shit…I will take any/all of that and even more if it means I get to spend one more day on this earth.
I don’t know if it has really sunk in just yet. Could be because Derek and I celebrated at my favorite Mexican place immediately after my appointment–La Fiesta–with some large (and potent) margaritas, but even still…I CAN NOT…WE CAN NOT…THANK YOU ALL ENOUGH FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
10/30/2013 will forever mark my new birthday. I think I will remember everything about this day…what I wore to my appointment…the smell of Dr. C’s hair when I hugged her…the feeling of shock and my heart sinking as they walked in…all of it. Its unforgettable. I am officially reborn today. Where I was nearly written off months ago, today I was basically given a slap on the ass, a “good game”, and a high five to follow. I will continue in “watchful waiting” status for the next 3 years. For this first year, I’ll have a CT restaging scan and blood work every 3 months. I am currently waiting for Dr. Marks, my surgeon, to call me back with my date to remove this mother fucking power-port as they call it. I think on that day, it will REALLY hit me. I will be…well….HUMAN again.
So here is the moral–in my eyes–for what its worth: When you think things are bad, they are not. They could always be worse. When you are feeling sorry for yourself, stop. There is always someone who could use prayers more than you. When you feel like giving up, don’t. You will get through it. And finally when you feel like there is no hope, breathe. There is always a chance for another tomorrow.
Here’s to a lifetime of tomorrows.