Memory loss, tats and mouth sores, oh my!


Well the new medication that my oncologist gave me for my horrible nausea post chemo seems to work pretty well. It’s currently Day 4, and I have been able to eat without puking, and have actually been able to get off the couch on my own! I still have some pretty nasty side effects though. Specifically, memory loss (also known as “chemo brain”). I was skeptical of this happening to me, until I found myself repeating the same things over again, and wandering into a room, having no clue why I’m there. It’s SUPER ANNOYING. I just try to leave post it notes everywhere, and try to tell Derek everything I need, so that way the blame shifts on him if I forget something important! (just kidding, love you honey!) In addition to that, I woke up this morning feeling like someone poured straight acid in my mouth. Mouth sores. Gross, right?! Who wants a kiss????? oooh la la!! I haven’t actually seen any sores, nor do I feel them yet, but I know its coming, which just means…you guessed it…more meds! yay! I LOVE being high! (Just kidding again….actually those who know me know that I’ve actually never done any kind of drug ever in my life, and even hated taking advil or tylenol. Turns out I should have lived it up a little more in my hay-day eh?!)

A good friend of mine who I work with stopped over yesterday for a visit. Both Derek and I were happy to see him……..especially Derek because JC brought food! I have to publicly thank him though because the ONLY thing I ate yesterday that smelled and sounded remotely good to me, was the Corbo’s pizza that he brought! If you’ve never had Corbo’s pizza, it’s honestly delish, and it’s been years since I’ve had it. After 2 small pieces, I immediately regretted this decision with the immense heart burn I experienced, but hell. It was a heck of a ride going down the hatch! And not to mention, I didn’t even have to watch it come back out of the hatch either! I’ll take it!

I realized after our visit, that I miss having a normal life…A LOT. Just being able to visit friends, and to have friends visit us…it’s no longer normal. I totally understand why–the risk of me getting sick–the awkwardness of what to say to someone with cancer and a bald head–it’s all a bit overwhelming for everyone involved. Not to mention (and this is mostly with strangers or acquaintances than with close friends/family), when you say the word “cancer”, I’ve noticed that people automatically assume you’re dying. It’s like saying F*ck or something. It’s just a BAD WORD. So I would like to make the following PSA: Please don’t treat me with “kid gloves”. I am NOT going to die. I have had a loooooong conversation with God about this one, and I believe we’re on the same page. (If not, I guess I’m kinda screwed here, but I’ll take a leap of faith!)

In other news, my husband surprised me the other day with something very special. An old friend of his tattooed his arm with a cancer survival ribbon and two praying hands. He did a wonderful job, and I just thank God (and my father-in-law in heaven) for bringing the two of us together. I really don’t know what I would do without his never ending support and love for me and our family. He is the polar opposite of me (for those who know us both)–I typically do ALL the talking for the two of us–he’s shy and quiet when you first meet him….I’m NOT–and some may think we normally wouldn’t be a good fit together. But boy oh boy does that man love me. And I sure do love him.

Ok enough mushey stuff. I just had to get that out there!

My white counts are still in the “severely low” category, so I can only be in my office for a few hours at a time, with a mask on. I’m hoping to make it in next week. As previously mentioned in my last post, it feels good being able to DO something agian. I mean it’s a little harder right now because my memory is so bad, that a job I’ve performed for 8 years is suddenly more complicated, but it’s a challenge, and I’m up for it.

Positive notes:

1) No puking, and nausea not quite as bad! whoop!

2) Dakota has not eaten or thrown up any colored pencils lately…bonus.

3) Have been able to make dinner for Derek and Mack (albeit in the crock pot, so I really don’t have to do anything), every night this week, so I don’t feel so much like a schleppy wife! …And even have Superbowl goodies planned to make for tonight too! (which I likely wont be eating, but I do enjoy cooking).

4) Have been able to get off the couch on my own, and spend more time playing with Mack, which I know he loves. Cause I mean come on…Mommy is super fun. Now if I can just get him to stop rolling up the play-dough into balls, and throwing them around the house. Do you realize how gross that stuff is covered with dog hair?! Gross.

5) Although I have complete bald spots on some parts of my head, my hair has already started to grow back…only in weird tufts and places! Basically right now it looks like I am suffering from male pattern baldness! BUT my eyelashes/eyebrows have both stayed in tact thus far!

Crappy notes:

1) Other than the mentioned side effects above, my ears are also starting to hurt a lot, and I’ve noticed that my hearing is not as great as it once was. At least I know these drugs they keep pumping in me must be SUPER powerful to have such crap ass side effects!!

2) Holy heart burn. I had it bad from about 7 months pregnant on, but SUUUUUURE didn’t miss it! Blech!

3) HOT FLASHES!!!! (TMI ALERT!) So I receive shots to stop my periods during my whole chemo process. Apparently this will help to preserve my eggs, on the off chance that I may be able to have more children in the future. The total downside is that now I’m temporarily going through menopause at age 30! Oh you poor, only slightly older ladies out there. I DEEPLY underestimated how sucky menopause is! The hot flashes are THE WORST! I FINALLY got rid of the fevers, and now this?! Yikes. I literally go from freezing my ass off one second, to uncontrollable sweating! It’s so hard to sleep at night because I just can’t get comfortable!

3) Missing a normal life. (but at least it’s winter time in Chesterland, so there’s not much to do anyways!)

**My friend Kris gets her PET scan results on Tuesday, so please keep those prayers coming! She is amazingly strong, and will totally rock that scan, I just know it!

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