One week and a thank you.

Yes, one week. That’s officially how long it takes for me to finally feel better after chemo, and how long I have to feel better before my next chemo session. Which leads me to the question that keeps me up most nights….How the hell am I going to be able to work? I literally can’t even get off the couch for at least 5 days post chemo. Supposedly it “gets better over time”, however, since my cancer was so advanced, my chemo drugs are very strong, and they aren’t sure if it will get better for me. Did I mention that I have 6 more months of chemo treatments?! Holy crap.

I had what Derek and I consider a GREAT doctor appointment yesterday. ALL of my counts are up, FINALLY, and NO FEVERS for over a week. In addition, my tumors are totally shrinking, and I barely even cough at all anymore. My doctor couldn’t feel my liver at all on physical exam, which is awesome! So some good news there for sure. That being said, I still have to wear a mask in public as a precautionary measure, but I’ll take it! At least I’m allowed out of the house! I’m actually going to attempt to head into work tomorrow for a few hours. My counts are still pretty low, so I can’t go crazy, but I need to try to get things in order there, and speak with HR and my supervisors about my chemo problem of potentially being unable to work every other week for the next 6 months…..Let’s pray that I can just take leave without pay for those days, and secure my job.

My coworkers are putting on a fundraiser event for me and my family on Saturday night the 26th, and the Euclid police department is hosting a fundraiser for us on the 27th. In addition, my friend Kris set up a fundraising website where people have been generously donating money for our family. On top of that, we have received many cards, gifts and gift cards for gas and groceries over the past month. And so this is what I have to say: We honestly do not know where we would be without all of the financial and emotional support provided by our friends and family. The hospital bills alone total over $10,000 (the “catastrophic” amount for both 2012 and 2013), Derek, who normally works construction, was laid off for the season, but has had to take care of both me and Mack so has not gone back to work, and I’m on FMLA. To say “thank you” is not enough. To say how humbled we are, does not adequately describe how grateful we feel. I really don’t even know what in the world to say that will cover our sentiments exactly, but please know that we feel SO BLESSED to have you all in our lives, and that we really don’t know where we would be today without all of your support. THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU’VE DONE FOR US. We love you all so very much, and it is so comforting to know what amazing people surround us. The thought of it makes me feel stronger every day, because I know that there are so many people who I can lean on. Mack and I sing prayers every night, and our list of people to pray for is getting longer and longer. We always end with “God bless everyone I love”, which is all of you.

Funny Things:

1) As expected, Dakota threw up colored pencils. Luckily, it didn’t really smell and it was kind of pretty.

2) Mack is still driving his hot wheels over my head, and get’s mad when “mommy’s hair” ends up on his tires. He says “eww mommy! No hair pwease!”

3) At my last appointment, my doctor said, “hey I can finally see a nice waistline!” I knew what she meant….for about a year I was working out like a freak, and dieting to try to lose weight, and nothing would happen. Just ask my friend Abby! It was infuriating. Well turns out it was because I was just multiplying numerous tumors inside of me. So now that the tumors are finally starting to go away, I’m losing weight so quickly according to my doctor because for a year, my body had wanted to slim down and tone up, but the cancer wouldn’t let me. Anyway…I wasn’t TOTALLY offended by her comment that eluded to the fact that I used to be fat. But then Derek chimed in “Yay a waistline! I like that part!” …Thanks D. lol.

Crappy Things:

1) For those of you reading this who may currently be going through chemo, FYI even though you think you might be having cramping pain in your abdomen due to the breaking up of massive tumors, it really could be due to “impacted fecal matter”, as shown by my recent X ray. Apparently the chemo drugs cause a lot of constipation, even though it may not feel like it. GROSS! (Note: that literally is a crappy thing).

2) One of the side effects that I get post chemo are pretty bad headaches. Apparently this is not normal, so today, I have to have an MRI of my brain. This scares me a ton, but hopefully they see nothing. Well you know, not nothing…like I totally hope they see a normal brain in there and everything! know what I meant.

3) I love the smell of coffee. For some reason it is comforting to me in some way. Just totally sucks because I can’t have caffeine. UGH. I’m also supposed to not have any sugar, no booze, and eat lots of asparagus to help get me better, even though I’m not really a fan of asparagus. Having cancer is dietarily (is that a word?) lame.

4) Denial. I’m still in denial still about the fact that I have stage 4 cancer. When I was diagnosed, the doctor’s exact words were “your cancer is very advanced”. That was enough for me to start balling, and inform her that I didn’t want to hear anything else except for the words that I could be “cured”. She told me that they are going to “treat me with the intent to cure”. I’m not really sure what that means, but that’s all I can focus on. I refuse to believe that I won’t get rid of this, even in its advanced stage. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been banned from google, and that my friends have told me the prognosis is good for my type of cancer. I will continue to focus on that. I guess I would rather believe in something positive that may or may not be true, then to focus on anything negative. This has been a lot easier to do with all of my supportive friends and family!

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