THAT SHIT STILL CRAY.


Back to blogging. My apologies for the hiatus. As it turns out, chemo round #2? Ya, that shit STILL cray. It’s day #4 post chemo, and I’m actually keeping food down today, so I thought today would be a good day to send an update.

I tolerated my new drug just fine, and then had the rest of my chemo. I finally was discharged from the hospital on Thursday, 1/17, nine days after being admitted. I left with the WORST case of anticipatory nausea EVER. I couldn’t even unpack my hospital bag without running to the toilet because it smelled like the hospital. It’s awful. I actually have to take anti-anxiety medication, just to be able to take my other pills. Some of you may think I’m crazy, or over-reacting, but if you’ve ever had chemo, I know you’d understand. I’m told after a few MONTHS it MIGHT get better. Oh. Thaaaaaat’s cool.

The other night, a friend of mine from high school came to drop off a gift for me from her, along with some of my other high school friends. I could barely get off the couch, but I hugged her and thanked her for the gift. For some reason, when she left, I cried uncontrollably. I think it was a combination of feeling awful, combined with memories (that seem like a life time ago) of a care-free life, where the biggest decision we had to make was where to hang out after the high school football games. It also made me realize that even though we don’t talk often, I have some very dear and wonderful friends who will always be there for me if/when I need them, as I would do the same for them. For that, I am extremely grateful.

In addition to the generous gift from my high school friends, I found out that my coworkers put on a bake sale for me and my family at work. They sent me some pictures, and I think I’m STILL in shock over the amount of work, effort and care went into planning and executing the event. There really aren’t enough words to describe the amount of thanks and gratefulness we feel, and believe it or not (this could be the anti anxiety meds), I’m anxious to get better and get back to work. I have always loved my coworkers, and can’t wait to see them again! (Below are pics from the bake sale. Loving the shirts they made as well)!

My parents have been sick, and then were taking care of my niece and nephew who were also sick, so I’ve had to stay away from them for a while. I know they are missing me, Mack and Der, but I can NOT go back to that hospital, so we are in a quarantine period right now. So SHOUT OUT mom and dad! See you when I know you’re not sick! My wonderful hubby has been taking care of me, the house, and Mack as per usual, and I can’t help but feel like an awful schlep wife and mom, who can’t even play with my kid, or even get up off the couch some days. I know Derek doesn’t feel that way at all, and just wants me to get better, but from a type A, anal retentive, minor OCD person who is used to doing everything, I can’t help but feel that way.

OK so normally I try to think of good things vs. bad things for each post. Unfortunately, I’m having a lot of trouble thinking of good things this go round, other than the obvious I have the greatest family and friends…EVER. But I will try….

Positive things:

1) Mack likes my new “hay-cut” (aka my nearly bald head), because he can drive his hot wheels over it, and he thinks that is VERY funny.

2) Things are still distractingly crazy at our house…….for instance, one of our dogs, Dakota. Mack’s colored pencils have been disappearing lately, and we couldn’t figure out where they were going! It wasn’t until today when we watched her EAT one that we figured it out. That’s going to be some PRETTY shit later.

3) I was able to put on a pair of skinny jeans, and I didn’t feel like a sausage being stuffed in the casing.

Bad things:

1) I threw up for the first time from the chemo, and it SUCKED ASS. I mean puking is never fun, but in this case, I didn’t even get the satisfaction of not feeling nauseous afterwards. I cried when it was over because I REALLY hate puking. Also, I’m a huge baby. I have GOT to suck it up, and soon!

2) Did you not read above??? Our dog is eating pencils. That means colored puke, not just pretty shit.

3) I’m still losing weight. I have surpassed what my “goal weight” was when I was dieting pre-cancer, and it actually sucks. My ghetto booty is now just a booty, and I have very little energy because I simply can’t eat much. (note: I still put this in my “good” category because I can now fit into skinny jeans, but that’s it).

ANYWAYS back to kicking cancer’s ass!

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